Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Why I stopped blogging...

So I wasn't completely honest with you in my last post. There are two reasons I stopped blogging. One was the time factor I mentioned in my last post. But the other, well it's a bit flinchier, a bit harder for me to talk about.

Early last year (or maybe late the year before? It seems so long ago now), I started running, in a couch to 5k program, with the aim of getting fit for the upcoming soccer season, after having 2 seasons off. Running 2-3 times a week, combined with my usual twice weekly pilates, plus twice weekly soccer training once the pre-season started up meant I got fit, and lost a bit of weight. Not much, a kilo or so maybe. But I started to think, how much would I loose if I watched what I ate?

And this is the part I don't like talking about. I started counting calories. I was not overweight by any means, right in the middle of the healthy BMI range, but I just felt I'd be a better version of me if I was a couple of kilos lighter. I was tallying my daily food intake and playing it off against my exercise, counting out almonds for my afternoon snack and drinking macchiatos instead of flat whites because they had less calories. I stopped drinking alcohol, except for the occasional vodka & soda, and pretty much gave up eating bread. I dropped those few kilos. But it was hard, really hard, there was so much guilt, every time I ate something I felt I 'shouldn't', or that took me over my meagre calorie allowance. And I wasn't a better version of me, I was just a slightly skinnier me, and much more boring to be around.

I stopped blogging because I didn't think anyone would want to read about the low-fat, low-carb, mostly vegetable, and predominantly unexciting meals I was cooking. They weren't recipes I was proud of.

A few months ago, I decided I was done counting calories. It was consuming my life. All that endless weighing & counting and recording. I was done. I started going about my life making sensible decisions about what I ate - if Mr Alphie bakes some amazing bread, I eat it (with butter!), but not the whole loaf; if we're going out for a lavish dinner, I have a smaller lunch; I don't count my almonds; and if I feel like a drink after a long week/day at work, I have one (or two...). I'm not perfect, I'm still a sucker for hot chips, and peanut m&m's are a weakness I don't think I'll ever overcome (as evidenced in my previous post). But do you know what? I haven't gained a single kilo back. And I am much happier than I've been in a long time.

I feel like I have a few other bloggers to thank for my new-found balance in life. Heidi from Apples Under My Bed, Nat from Lemon Living, and more recently Angela from Oh She Glows, have inspired me to be a happier, healthier me, and also, to share this story with you.

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